Painting Paralysis

I can't seem to force myself to paint. I keep thinking that whatever I do, it will not look good, it won't flow, I will feel even more demoralized than I do when I don't paint at all. Why is this happening? I don't get it.

Wendy's Painting Blog

Hello. This is weird. I don't know who my audience is at all. For the moment it is just me. Gosh this brings up this whole ongoing argument I have been having with people in my artists' group about whether it's important to produce art for an audience or not. I feel if I don't have an audience, it's hard for me to produce anything. I mean how can you have something to say if you don't have the sense that someone is listening. And if the people are listening, are they understanding what I'm trying to say? Actually, do I know what I'm trying to say? The truth is no, i have no idea. it just kind of arrives there on the paper or the canvas like something coming from something else, some awareness I am not consciously aware of. It's very very weird. And this is weird too. Because I feel as if I'm sharing with no one and every one. Words are flying out into a huge unfathomable blueness, vastness, with no sense of caring or of response. Loneliness. Oh well, this is becoming like stream of consciousness. Like Morning Pages I guess. Maybe that's okay. Well, bye for now.